2016 has been… a year.
As 2017 approaches, I feel like I’m just barely crawling out of this year – alive but pretty broken down. Not quite victorious or triumphant, but far from giving up or quitting.
I really wish I had a lot of beautiful words to spew about what this year has been like and what it’s taught me and what I’m hoping for next year, but honestly, I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about this year.
But in the meantime, here’s what I do know for sure:
A lot of stuff happened in 2016. A lot of firsts and a lot of lasts. A lot of new experiences and a lot of challenges I didn’t see coming.
I made a lot of beautiful memories this year with a lot of beautiful people, and I know I’m going to hold onto those moments for a very long time.
I did some pretty big things this year that I’m really proud of. I went to Sundance, graduated high school, worked at CNN, climbed 5 mountains in 48 hours, hiked up Pikes Peak, and section-hiked the entire Georgia section of the Appalachian Trail.
I did some smaller things this year, too. I got my first tattoo(s). I dyed and shaved and cut my hair a bunch of different ways. I pierced my nose. I got a job at a rock-climbing gym and started rock-climbing more than ever. I opened up to my friends and family about things I’ve been struggling with and started getting real help to address issues I’ve tried to ignore for the past several years. I’m just as proud of the small things as I am the big things.
I made a lot of plans this year that didn’t work out. My plans for college have changed almost every 3 months or so, and I still don’t know for sure where I’ll end up.
I made some goals for my gap year that I’ve chosen to put on hold, and I’m still trying to accept that they’re not going to happen.
But I don’t regret any of the choices I’ve made, even if they’ve put me in a place of uncertainty. I know I’ll end up where I’m supposed to be, even on the days when I’m stubborn and I want to know right now what’s going to happen and I’m terrified by the fact that some things are just very simply out of my control.
So yes: 2016 has been quite the year. I’m sure 2017 will be, too. I don’t really know what’s going to happen and I’m learning to accept that it is okay for me not to know sometimes.
But for now, I know that I am safe and I am loved and I have many more adventures ahead of me, and today, right now, that is enough.